...We already played that
  We're going to lighten it up a bit
  We're going to lighten it up a bit
  This really isn't a stupid song
  This is a special song
  This is an important song
  This is a dance song
  This is.. THIS IS RED ROCKS...THIS IS THE EDGE!!!
  No really this is a song about...
  We want to get serious now that we have your attention
  We want to talk about..
  We want to talk about an important man (Diarrhea!-Mike)
  Who could have an important effect
  On everybody in this room's lives
  If they were willing to take the chance
  To let this person into their hearts and their views
  Because this is a special man (Background OOOH's and AHH's begin here)
  And this man wrote a great book
  For this is the author of the Helping Friendly Book
  The book that could change your life, the way it changed ours
  And I hope that someday
  That you, you people will all have the chance
  To read the Helping Friendly Book
  And experience the wisdom
  Of the great and knowledgeable
  Man who wrote the Helping Friendly Book
  Because he is, the great and knowledgeable
  He is the one, the only
  Author of the Helping Friendly Book
  HE is, the man, the great man, the only
  the special
  His name is...
  The Author of the Helping Friendly Book
  He is the great, the knowledgeable
  The one, the only
  The great and knowledgeable
  Person who wrote the Helping Friendly Book
  His name could only be
  The one, the only
  The only, the special, the Author of the Helping Friendly Book
  HE WROTE THE PHUCKING BOOK OK!
  HE WROTE THE BOOK
  His name..
  WAS..
  ICCULUS!!!!!
    [ this part is sung ]
    Written by the great and knowledgeable Icculus
  Ya! Our children are old enough
  To read ICCULUS (or Ridicule us)
    A cold and lonely night
  Running the pace of her fright
  Look at her face tonight!
  (Starts to go into a jam, then stops abruptly)
  Thanks!