[LL Cool J]
  Yeah..
  Yeah I like that guitar man, yeah
  Yo E-Love I like the way you flipped that guitar man
  Knahmsayin? It was a good idea man, knahmsayin? Yeah
  It's kinda like freakin me, yaknahmsayin?
  I wanna get hype man, I wanna do this, yaknahmsayin?
  Just gon' chill, check it out
    Slick as Vasoline, smell good as cologne
  I'm like a muscle man in jail -- they leave me alone
  I rhyme like Superman, you rap like Jimmy Olson
  I break you like a bottle of green Golden Molson
  You ain't a real rhymer, you look like a actress
  How you gon' sleep on me holmes, do I look like a mattress?
  Am I that old, do I walk like Grady?
  I'ma hundred-fifty proof, Smirnoff is only 80
  Don't you EVER try to rock my house
  I'm a real cool cat, know what I'm sayin Mickey Mouse?
  The poetry specialist, so take a dose of this
  Now think about it -- can you really come close to this?
  You soft as powder, weak as a cabin cooler
  Ugly as work shoes, messin with the Ruler:
  the ultimate writer reciter and def entertainer
  I work myself harder than a boxer's trainer
    [Chorus: LL Cool J]
    Clap your hands everybody (aiyyo)
  And everybody just clap your hands (aiyyo)
  Clap your hands everybody (aiyyo)
  And everybody just clap your hands (aiyyo)
  I said, clap your hands everybody (aiyyo)
  And everybody just clap your hands (aiyyo)
  Clap your hands everybody (aiyyo)
  And everybody just clap your hands (aiyyo)
    [LL Cool J]
  You end up, underneath my sneaker
  You're dog doo-doo, I'm watchin you get weaker
  You can't believe, the skill and dexterity
  LL Cool J, and the J is for Jeremy
  So BUFF ME, James Todd the earthquaker
  That's right my brother, you're goin out like Sega
  {*censored*} chewed, so whassup dude?
  One of my battles'll get your girlies in the mood
  Sucker MC's really make me sick
  I'm so bad, I can suck my own {dick}
  If you go to your girl's house and I'm there already
  Don't go Crazy cause my name ain't Eddie
  Rhymes so rough, it's like a course in trigonometry
  When Einstein was talkin, he was talkin bout ME
  The Prince of the Earth, and I'ma give birth
  to a rhyme so hard you look soft as a Smurf
  Gigglin and wigglin, so how we goin out?
  LOVELY, and that's without a doubt!
    [Chorus 3/4X]
    [LL Cool J]
  Rappers are my servants, they serve me like an emperor
  When I'm through, you'll need a nurse to take your temperature
  and cool you down, cause you're cold as leftovers
  Not the ones on the table, I'm talkin about RUFF rovers
  You can't get over -- what's my name, Goofy?
  You smoke I'm no joke, so my brother break out the looseys
  and take a pull, cause the buck stops here
  I get swift as a magician, wreck {shit} and dissapear
  Don't cross me, or lose your loyalty
  to the Prince of the Rap Court, I'm royalty
  And it ain't no puzzle, it's a shame how rappers guzzle
  paragraphs I put together so I carry a muzzle
  to shut em up and cut em up and make em be quiet
  I'm a one man RIOT, so don't even TRY IT
  The Prince of special tactics, plus I'm athletic
  Before you play your hand you better do some calisthetics
  Jumpin jacks, squats, push-ups, the whole nine
  Speak your piece, then I'ma go for mine
  And I guarantee you, I'm gonna strike again
  I recommend my friend you drop the pen and give in
  Cop out to one rhyme cause you're facin ten
  I ain't Sidney Poitier but we can 'Do This Again'
  I'm nice wit mines, and I gotta admit it
  You don't really wanna battle, why don'tcha just forget it!
    [Chorus 1/2]
    [LL Cool J]
  But if you're hard headed and you still don't understand
  Here's a little sample -- EHM EHM, my man
    (BRRRRRRRING) "Hello?"
  [cut n scratch "Cool J"]
  ".. takes everything you've got" -> [Cheers (theme song)]
  [cut n scratch "pushin a broom"]
  ".. sure would help a lot" -> [Cheers (theme song)]
    [LL Cool J]
  Check my stats, how we livin, I thought so
  I'm fresh, oh yes, but can they flow, hell no
  My rhymes are up to date, excellent, on point
  I'm tellin you, they're the serious joint
  I eat my steak fast, I drink my brew slow
  My voice is milky with a nice clear flow
  I eat like a fat man, and walk like a gigolo
  I'm not a ballplayer, so now Y'KNOW!
    Clap your hands everybody (aiyyo)
  And everybody just clap your hands (aiyyo)
  cause I rock the house, everybody (aiyyo)
  And everybody just clap your hands (aiyyo)
    KnowhatI'msayin? And I'ma be straight til the year 3000
  That's word to mother, knahmsayin?
  And I say mother with a V cause the V is for Victory yaknahmsayin?
  Cause I'm the victor in this game, word up
  Knahmsayin? That's what time it is, peace
    [crew applause]
    That man, he sure is FUNKY FUNKY FUNKY
  FUNKY! Funky, he sho' is!
  You best believe he's FUNKY!
  You didn't KNOW??? FUNKY!