Walkin' like a millionaire
  Smilin' like a king
  He leaned his shopping cart against the wall
  He said, "I been a lot of places
  And I seen a lot of things
  But, sonny, I seen one thing that beats 'em all
  I was flyin' back from Lubbock
  I saw Jesus on the plane
  ...or maybe it was Elvis
  You know, they kinda look the same
  Hey, look out, Junior, you're steppin' on my bed"
  I said, "I don't see nothin"
  He just glared at me and said,
  If dirt were dollars
  If dirt were dollars
  If dirt were dollars
  I wouldn't worry anymore
  Lookin' like a beauty queen
  Loyal as a wife
  She raised her little voice and testified,
  "I am a good girl
  I've been one all my life"
  But her virtue was as swollen as her pride
  She should've had the Oscar
  She must have been miscast
  Her fifteen minutes went by so fast
  I said, "Now, baby, have you got no shame?"
  She just looked at me, uncomprehendingly
  Like cows at a passing train
  If dirt were dollars
  If dirt were dollars
  If dirt were dollars
  I wouldn't worry anymore
  We got the bully pulpit
  And the poisoned pen
  We got a press no better
  Than the public men
  This brave new world
  Gone bad again
  God's finest little creatures
  Looking brave and strong
  Whistling past the graveyard
  Nothing can go wrong
  Quoting from the scriptures
  With patriotic tears
  We got the same old men
  With the same old fears
  Standing at attention
  Wrapped in stars and stripes
  They hear the phantom drummers
  And the nonexistent pipes
  These days the buck stops nowhere
  No one takes the blame
  But evil is still evil
  In anybody's name
  If dirt were dollars
  If dirt were dollars
  If dirt were dollars
  We'd all be in the black