God, I have to know
  Is it really true?
  I refuse to believe in
  The stuff they write about you
  You always look real depressive
  But that's what makes you cute
  Say it ain't so, say it ain't so
  Have you become a fruit?
  Vaseline bizniz, improves your record sales
  Vaseline bizniz, you know it never fails
  Vaseline bizniz, will make you interesting
  When you're too pissed to dance and too high to sing
  My teenage dream is fucked
  Although you don't know
  While I plan for our marriage
  You find some handsome guy to blow
  Then you speak about it frankly
  In an in-depth interview
  And I slip into denial
  'Cos I know it isn't true
  Vaseline bizniz, improves your record sales
  Vaseline bizniz, you it never fails
  Vaseline bizniz, will make you interesting
  When you're too pissed to dance and you're too stoned to sing
  Yeah, I had a bad time
  My heart was torn in two
  Burned all my posters
  Thought I'd never make it through
  But I worship another boy-group now
  Everybody else sucks!
  I even got their autographs
  Take that, you backstreet cocks!